Monday, January 4, 2016

Gaygent Brontosaurus: The Butt Is Not Enough by Chuck Tingle

John Marks is just an average bellboy working at Central America’s finest luxury hotel, until two mysterious characters show up and change his life forever.

The first is the villainous Tudwig Cobbler, an imposing Russian with a hook for a hand, and the second is Gaygent Brontosaurus, a dinosaur who immediately sweeps John off of his feet.

Soon John finds himself wrapped up in a world of high stakes espionage and international terrorism, all culminating in a magical night of hardcore, erotic romance on the beach with his handsome, prehistoric lover.

This erotic tale is 4,000 words of sizzling human on gay dinosaur action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies and secret gaygent love.

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Reviews by the Wicked Reads Review Team

Here's to 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Kindle Freebie.

We've had a running joke about Dino-sex for a long while. Our WRRT Mistress kept asking if anyone would read-and-review one for her to post on Wicked Reads' blog. Angela threw down the gauntlet, & Erica picked that b*tch up!

The dialogue is downright hilariously awful. Spooflicous. I've found many editing errors and mistakes, but they are a hoot too. I burst out laughing when the hook-hand villain appeared.

and a Brontosaurus enters the elevator <-- normal occurrence, that?

Who's extinct now? would have only been made better by adding B*TCH to the ending.

(Five minutes into meeting this nice, fine fellow dinosaur) “I never knew that someone like you existed until today. I think this is it.”

(My thoughts: What? A dinosaur? You're the idiot who seems perfectly fine to hang out with him and save the world. Pretty sure I would have pissed my pants if a Brontosaurus fit into the elevator with me, just saying...)

“This is what?” the dinosaur asks.

“This is love,” I tell him, my voice trembling.

(I think I just melted into a puddle of LOVE)

But nothing, and I mean nothing, was as hilarious as this introduction: “Secret Gaygent Brontosaurus, pleasure to meet you.” Seriously, though. That was just begging for an at your service tagline.

We've got a bellboy, a hooked villain & his cronies with automatic weapons, harboring nuclear weapons, a Secret Gaygent Brontosaurus, exploding buildings, parachuting into red sports cars, I can't believe I found the love of my life, and now he's being taken away from me...

“I know that this can never last, but while we're here in this moment, I want to give you something.”

Gaygent Brontosaurus smiles. “And what's that?”

"I want to give you my butt," I confess, my body aching for his touch.

“The butt is not enough.” My beautiful Brontosaurus tells me. “I want your heart as well, and I don't care about the consequences.”
<== that, right there is fan-freaking-tastic. LMAO!

Don't take this 20 minute ride too seriously. This is comedy gold. This is making fun of all the HORRIBLE tropes authors use to cover up sh*t-tastic writing. Some lame action sequences followed by insta-love, flat villains, HOTTER than Hades love interests, who always are packing heat, and a healthy dose of unnecessary sex. Folks, this is a fast-forward version of a lot of well-loved books.

Laugh a little! C'mon! You can do it! I'm laughing right now, & I'm nearly pissing my pants, 'cuz I'm laughing at myself. Nothing's funnier than when you're being made fun of and have the sense of humor to join in.

Our hard-working Angela & the ladies of Wicked Reads Review Team, I challenge you to pick up the gauntlet & review this book. We'll have one helluva blog post!

Our review team has snickered at the ridiculousness of the selection of titles in what we call spoof erotica for a while now. But their absurdly high price tags have prevented us from indulging our curiosity. Until we stumbled upon Gaygent Brontosaurus: The Butt Is Not Enough as a Kindle Freebie one sunny day in May. While I picked this up months ago, I haven’t taken the time to read it until now. What better time to delve into dino erotica than during the blog’s Bring Your Own Book month? Not to mention, it’s only fair that I read it too after I egged on the other ladies to do so.

Keeping in mind that I knew this was spoof erotica and that the “love” interests were a bellboy and a gay secret agent brontosaurus, I began reading with LOW expectations for storyline and HIGH expectations for laughs. That’s exactly what it delivered. Gaygent Brontosaurus: The Butt Is Not Enough is not intended to be great literature folks and if you can’t tell that by the title, you likely need to shop for a sense of humor more than you need to shop for books. Keeping that in mind AND the fact that I got this book for free, I ignored the handful of errors (except when they made me laugh) and kept my focus primarily on whether or not the book made me laugh, because I’m assuming that that was the author’s intent after all. And he did, quite a bit in fact.

John, our bellboy, is more freaked out by the Russian’s hooked hand than he is when a brontosaurus gets on the elevator with him – mid-lift – and then talks to him. It’s one of those moments when you stare at your Kindle with incredulity and ask the character out loud “That’s the part of the situation that concerns you?” And as a plot unfolds that is so cheesy it would make a delicious gourmet grilled cheese sandwich, the laugh factor continues to increase with each page – thankfully there were only about 20 of them because I’m not sure how much more snorting my nose could’ve taken. Tingle has written what is probably one of the most hysterical sex scenes I have ever read and it’s only outdone by the sappy professions of love between John and Gaygent Brontosaurus within hours of their meeting. Despite the fact that I did indeed laugh repeatedly in the 20 to 30 minutes it took me to read Gaygent Brontosaurus: The Butt Is Not Enough, I can only give it 3 stars because in the end (no pun intended), I didn’t love it. By no means is this a book I would have paid for because the cost to laugh ratio is a bit rich for my blood. But as it was a freebie, I found that the Butt Was Enough to earn 3 stars.

Dr. Chuck Tingle is an erotic author and Tae Kwon Do grandmaster (almost black belt) from Billings, Montana. After receiving his PhD at DeVry University in holistic massage, Chuck found himself fascinated by all things sensual, leading to his creation of the "tingler", a story so blissfully erotic that it cannot be experienced without eliciting a sharp tingle down the spine.

Chuck's hobbies include backpacking, checkers and sport.

Connect with Chuck

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Erica and Angela reviewed their personal copies of Gaygent Brontosaurus: The Butt Is Not Enough by Chuck Tingle for this post.

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