Sunday, September 7, 2014

Inconsolable by Amanda Lanclos Blog Tour

You would think that because I am a Marine that life isn’t that hard to live. I’d like to tell you that you couldn’t be more wrong. War is hell on earth. I have seen so many things that will haunt me for the rest of my life. No matter how much I try to forget the light fading from someone’s eyes, I cannot. My life is one determined by the mind. I wake up every day to fears of what will trigger the turmoil that sends me into overdrive. My life is depicted by sounds and colors and things that make me less of a man.

Who am I, well I am CPL Blake Johnson. I am a United States Marine and I am living with post-traumatic stress disorder. If it weren’t for Anna, the sunshine in my life things would be much harder than they are.

Being a cosmetologist is not the easiest job for me, and after losing my best friend to her inner demons. I am bound and determined to not lose the man I love as well. They say in my line of profession you are more than what you claim. You are a therapist, a shrink, a person that listens to anything and everything. I am not that person. I have so much built inside me I think I may be about to explode. I hope that this isn’t true because my heart picked someone that happens to be as inconsolable as I feel.

Who am I? Well, my name is Anna Kleinpeter. I am just trying to live my life one moment at a time and praying that I don’t mess it up.

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Book 2
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We are sitting around enjoying a nice dinner and drinks. Sam and Anna are actually getting along a lot better than I thought they would. In all honesty, I believe they could be good friends. If it weren’t for Mary-Beth being with Jameson, I think they would have been friends too.

We are all sitting there eating our salad and talking when a plate crashes in the distance. I immediately duck and cover under the table. Oh shit, this isn’t good. I grab hold to the table and just try to let me breathing even out. I know this doesn’t look good for me, but all I can think about is that damn bomb blowing up and taking everyone away. I’m shaking under the table, my whole body quivering.

“It’s okay, Anna. Just give him a minute. That crash probably triggered a bad memory for him. Sam, explain please.” I hear Jameson saying, but it sounds so far away. I feel someone beside me, but I can’t look up. My head is in my hands against my knees and I just keep rocking, trying to make myself forget everything. “Johnson, look at me man.”

“Can’t look up.”

“Blake, it was a dish or something crashing in the kitchen. We aren’t there anymore man. It isn’t anything bad,” he says as he puts his hand on my shoulder. I finally look up to lock eyes with him and feel like such a coward for acting this way.

“I’m such a fucking pussy.”

“No, you’re not. You are one of the strongest men I know and you will get through this,” Jameson cajoles as he bumps his head against mine.

“She’s going to leave. We haven’t even stayed together because I was afraid I’d scare her with my dreams. Now, I have scared her by being scared of a fucking dish breaking in a kitchen.” I let out in a tortured groan.

“Anna isn’t Mary-Beth. She’s a lot tougher than this. If she cares she will stay.”

“I’ll be outside,” I say as I get up from under the table. I avoid eye contact with anyone including Anna. I hear her mumble something and then footsteps behind me, but I don’t wait for her to catch up. I walk outside and to the edge of the building as I light up a cigarette. I inhale the toxins welcoming them into my body. Anna comes and stands in front of me, looking me up and down.

“How long have you been like this, Blake?”

“Like what?” I snap, I instantly feel remorse as I see her cringe and take a step back.

“Never mind. I’m sorry I asked.”

“Anna, wait. I just… It’s not something I like to talk about. Okay?”

“Is that why you didn’t stay the night with me that night we watched movies?”

“Yeah. I wake up screaming sometimes. I didn’t want you to see that side of me.”

“Well, I would have been there for you through it. I want to know everything about you. Why you lied to me and kept it from me, I don’t know.”

She gives me a sad smile as I light up another cigarette, looking over when I hear Jameson raising his voice outside with someone. I look over to see Ms. Jennifer and Mr. Roger standing over there with him.

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” I say as I grab Anna’s hand and take her to my car. I open the door helping her inside then I walk around to the other side. I just flip Kyle off as I see him standing by the car parked beside me. We drive in silence the whole way back to Anna’s and I can’t help but feel like this wall is growing between us more and more. I pull into the apartment complex and put the Rover in park.

“You gonna come in?”

“Not tonight, I think maybe I should just go on home. We’ve had enough excitement for one night.”

“Oh, okay then,” she replies. The look on her face kills me. It’s the look of someone who’s hurting and I wish I could make it go away, but I can’t. I don’t know how to fix it. I watch her walk up the stairs to her apartment. When I know she is safely inside I jerk the car into reverse.

Also Available in the Wounded Souls Series
Book 1
Buy Links

Amazon US  ~  Amazon UK  ~  Amazon Au  ~  Amazon Ca  ~  B&N


Amanda is from a small town in Louisiana. She is a mother to one beautiful daughter, expecting baby number two, and two bad fur babies. She's been married to the love of her life for 3 years. She loves to read and has for as long as she can remember. One day she decided she had a story to tell so she sat down to write it. Now her dream of not only reading the stories she loves, but giving other people a story to devour was set into motion.  Amanda is also one of the co-founders of Crazy Cajun Book Addicts book blog and loves being able to let others see all the amazing books being written.

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