Angie –
☆☆☆☆
Trigger warning: this book talks about cheating but it wasn't done during the
story and no details were given. Rhys and Derek do reference the cheating a lot
in the book.
I did hate how we never found out why Rhys cheated, I felt like I was missing
something. I felt for Derek the entire book. I cried for him because I could
feel his pain and hurt, and even his love still for Rhys. I did like how Rhys
owned his mistake and gave no excuses, but it hurt me as much as it did Derek
for some reason. I seriously felt like I was there with these guys. This was a
good book that I am sure some people have gone through in real life. I just
wish I hadn't teared up so much. LOL
Veronica –
☆☆☆☆
When we meet Derek and Rhys, the couple has already split but are living in the
matrimonial home because they can’t afford to live separately. We know that
Rhys had a one-night stand and confessed to Derek straight away. For Derek,
cheating is a hard limit and it means the end of their marriage. The men agree
to keep their split on the down low and not tell their daughter so that they
don’t spoil her wedding. They then head off on what they expect to be a very
uncomfortable a road trip to attend the wedding.
This story is very emotional. My heart hurt for Derek. He did nothing wrong and
has had his world turned upside down. He didn’t deserve to be cheated on. What
I didn’t expect was how much my heart hurt for Rhys. I didn’t think I’d be able
to empathise with a character who cheated but I did. It didn’t take long to realise
that Rhys was beating himself up more over his actions more than anyone ever
could. I wanted to take their pain away.
Is It Over Yet? is not all doom and
gloom. There are some lovely sweet moments, some really hot moments, and even
some happiness. I revelled in the difficult emotions this story elicited and I
was left wondering, if my partner cheated would I be able to take him back or
would it be a deal breaker?
Shannan –
☆☆☆☆
I've never read a book like
Is It Over
Yet? This was a first for me. I've never read a book that starts with the
drama of a break up. I loved seeing how the pieces fell and what Rhys and Derek
did and said to try to get back to a place where they both love each other.
Rhys cheated on his husband, Derek. They weren't in a good place when he did
it. He knew he was wrong and confessed to Derek what he did. Derek, in turn,
went out and cheated to level the field. With the financial situation they were
in, they weren't in a place to move out. They are angry and awkward, sharing
the house and no one but close friends know what's going on. They find out
their daughter is getting married. They both agree to put on a united front for
the wedding and put their issues to the side. For a while they get back to the
place they once were and one drunken night leads to them sharing a bed, but
those feelings of hurt and betrayal aren't out of Derek's mind for long. They
try to be civil for the wedding, but an emotional moment leads to their
daughter finding out her dads are separating.
Can they make it through the actual wedding day without fighting? Will those
loving feelings override the hurt Rhys caused? Can Derek ever take Rhys back
and trust him?
I enjoyed this book. Like I said, it was a completely different read for me. At
times I wanted to hit both the main characters, but I loved how the story
played out. I was brought to tears more than once. Overall, a very good read.
Ruthie –
☆☆☆
This is definitely a book which makes you think. How would you act if you were
in the same situation – either in Rhys or Derek's position? Would you be so
certain that there was no way to resolve things; would you lie to your adult
daughter; would you lose years of solidity and love due to a mistake?
I think many readers will find the scenario quite moving and question what is
the right course of action. We get a lot of inner voice, so we know what the
guys are thinking. Derek is the one who has a breakthrough, when he realises
that he won't let one mistake ruin everything. But I am not certain that his
decision is wise, even if it is loving.
An interesting read which I had to digest before I could consider reviewing it –
and you might be right if you think I am still somewhat uncertain!
Erica –
☆☆☆☆
Is It Over Yet? was an impossible
book to read without feeling gutted for one reason or another. I must admit
before I write my review that I am slightly biased, as I ended a 20-year
marriage, one of the reasons due to infidelity. Nor did I completely blame my
ex for our split, as I have flaws I've worked very hard to change. Not only
that, I left my ex, came back six weeks later, then tried for 10 months to
rebuild what he had torn apart, only to realize there was no fix when the one
who broke us apart didn't truly feel responsible.
The entire premise is between Derek and Rhys, keeping their split from their
daughter until after her wedding. While this is logical, it also made me feel
as if they didn't believe her mature enough to handle the truth, finding it
insulting from the perspective of a daughter.
This is one of the more human novels I’ve read, where actions and reactions
were definitely based in human nature, so I applaud the author, no matter how
difficult it was to read. Both of them got in their own ways, but not in a
manufactured fashion.
I may see this from a different perspective than many readers, having been down
this road before, not just as a wounded party, but one who gave my ex another
chance he squandered.
If they don't earn it, show actual emotional growth, they will treat you worse,
as you now have zero self-respect for taking them back, where they will not
respect you. Until both parties admit their part, it will never work.
I don't believe Rhys truly grasped how life-altering his actions were for
Derek, so I didn't believe he earned forgiveness.
I felt Rhys said all the right things, but during his inner monologue, I
couldn't empathize/sympathize/or feel compassion for him. I spent most of the
novel trying to be even, pass no judgment, and try to see it from both of their
perspectives. But when Rhys kept saying how he would one day find love again
(grass is always greener, which is why he cheated in the first place – while
not said out loud, it felt vaguely threatening, as if Derek didn't put up with
his bs, he would find someone who would), or how he messed up or made a
mistake, I was livid. I wanted so badly to feel for both of them, but these
insensitive inner thoughts ruined it for me.
Rhys loved his husband, but four times mentioned to himself how he'd find love
again, instead of putting in even an ounce of effort to save what he destroyed.
Basically, the novel was about wearing Derek down until he gave Rhys
forgiveness he didn't deserve, destroying his self-worth and self-respect.
Why do I believe that, instead of what was on the surface that everyone else is
seeing?
Mistake. An accident. Messed up. Those are things people say when they AREN'T
taking responsibility for their actions, said countless times both to himself
and to others. What I needed from my ex, I didn't get from Rhys either. Saying
you're sorry and asking for forgiveness isn't the same as actually proving you
are sorry.
Numerous times, Rhys used MISTAKE, AN ACCIDENT, MESSED UP (also in curse form).
Rhys didn't make a mistake. Over dozens upon dozens of choices, he made the
decision to do the act of infidelity. It isn't one choice (a mistake) that
lands him in someone else's bed, but dozens before, during, and after the act.
Each decision was another opportunity to stop. He called his husband, told him
he was sleeping at a friend's house, then purposefully cheated on him. That is
not a mistake, nor an accident, nor messing up. That is premeditated harming of
your marriage and spouse, whether it be from self-destructive behavior or
issues within the marriage.
There isn't a person on this planet who doesn't realize what cheating does to
all parties involved – it is one of the most self-involved acts, which affected
everyone involved, an act that has nothing to do with the parties being
injured, outside of destroying them and their way of life.
All Rhys did was act like the martyr, saying he loved Derek, yet did NOTHING to
actually show him. He whined about what he would have to do to fix it,
admitting he was the one who broke it. Yet didn't realize how it looked from
his ex's perspective. The cheating was the ultimate of rejection, then can't
figure out why Derek wouldn't just 'give in' and admit they love each other and
give him another chance. He expected it to just drop into his lap, after taking
more effort into cheating than he did into the aftermath.
"I deserve it" isn't the same as giving the one you harmed closure,
admitting that those choices made were with complete and total disregard to the
pain he knew it would inflict. Admit to being selfish, self-destructive, and
self-absorbed enough to not give two craps about the pain you're inflicting, or
admit you're inflicting pain on purpose, not trivialize it by saying it
happened and he can't change it, even if he wanted, so why bother apologizing
again. Listening to his husband's voice while lying to him on the phone, then
sleeping with another.
Sorry. Not sorry.
Many readers will see this differently than me...
Not once did Rhys show in his inner monologue that he got it.
Regret? Yes.
Wished he didn't do it? Yes.
If anything, Rhys acted as his own victim.
As for the daughter, it annoyed me how she wasn't told the whole of the truth.
As he told her about making vows to her on his own wedding day, if he could
break vows to her father, he could so easily break them to her. That's why
infidelity is seen as cheating on the family, not just the spouse. So, while
this was a teary-eyed emotional scene for me, I felt it disingenuous coming
from him, when he was more worried about being a martyr and his own victim,
than admitting that he hurt his husband and daughter with purpose.
Until Rhys admitted every choice he made was with complete and total knowledge
of how much it would harm his husband and daughter, he doesn't deserve to be
forgiven.
Do people make mistakes? Yes.
Can a marriage survive? Yes, but only if that one condition above is met, which
it was not.
Derek gave in due to 'We love each other' and Rhys may or may not have learned
anything, because he still sees it as a mistake, not a conscious decision on
his part to do harm.
Kudos to the author for writing something so authentically, realistically
messy, mirroring real life and how we act/react to this emotionally crippling
event.
Do I believe in the resolution? NO, because all Rhys learned was to look
contrite long enough, Derek will be a doormat and forgive him, no matter what,
because they love one another. If Rhys loved Derek and their daughter enough,
he wouldn't have done it in the first place. If he understood the gravity of
his actions, he would admit he cheated with full knowledge of how painful it
would be for Derek and their daughter. THAT is how he would learn and be given
forgiveness.
When I saw the line, "He messed (curse form) up once." It killed me
for Derek and every other victim of infidelity out there. No, Rhys didn't mess
up once. He made dozens of choices before he cheated. The main act may have
been once, but it wasn't ONCE. Every time he followed along that path, he was
making another decision to cause pain and destroy their marriage. He may not do
it again but justifying this lessens self-worth.
We are worth enough to expect better out of those who say they love us. Until
that happens, there's an imbalance in the relationship.
Quote: inserting 'messed up' for the profanity, since this was also used many
times too.
"Rhys had messed up by going to bed
with that guy. Was I also messing up by letting that one mistake end our
marriage?"
No, Derek is messing up by honestly minimizing this to 'one' when it was many
choices for one major act. But that's about as realistic as it gets, isn't it?
It's why I went back, because I loved him, but his actions are proof he didn't
love me. I'm far too cynical not to be triggered by this novel and see it as a
second-chance easily taken for granted since no TRUE closure was given,
ignoring due to love is not a fix.
